and die to the rhythm of the Universe...

I've decided to try a new "format" and put the newest posts at the bottom since most people don't read bottom to top, and they won't understand things is it's mentioned in the post before-not that anyone's reading these still....

12.05.03 - 

'Tis the season....to be sick, exhausted, stressed out, freezing, and broke. Yep.

So, 2 days ago, my amazing dad came down to take me to the doctor for an EGD. I know it was a routine procedure, but I've never had to have anything like this done, so it was nice to have "daddy" around. Luckily, they knocked me out, cos I wasn't too keen on the thought of having this long tube shoved down my throat. But all went well. And we've found out that I have a hiatal hernia and IBS. It's all caused by stress. Who me? Stressed?! Never. I almost quit work 3 times today, almost cried twice, and almost vomitted once. I have no idea what is meant by stress! (psyche!!!) Seems my heartburn has been worse these last 2 days-it's actually frustrating. Hopefully it's just cos it was aggrivated by the EGD, and it will simmer down soon...

I also had the flu, but an getting over that thanxx to antibiotics (pass the yogurt!) and decongestants.

Work suxx. I've dealt with too many evil, mean, rude assholes lately. Like the rest of us aren't in the same boat and need your shite to boot! whatever.

And I'm almost done with Christmas shopping. I have to get a few more little things for Abbey and Kim and my parents (not that I can ever get THEM enuff to show them how much I love them).

My sister has run off to England. My dad gave her the money to go out to visit and she just decided she didn't want to come back. So she didn't. She's supposedly coming back in Jan (after my dad urged her to) to pack and take care of a few things (like get a divorce finally and such) and say a proper farewell. Then she's going back out there in Feb. Let's see how long this lasts! Augh! I don't see how my parents don't have IBS and hiatal hernias just from her alone!

So, Kim and I went to see Phantom Planet at the Cotton Club, and then the Vans Tour the next night. PP were good-a lot of fun. I find great charm in on-stage horseplay...Vans was way out of my league tho. So much angry punk. Couldn't understand most of what was being "sung". Lots of mohawks and leather and 80s revival clothing...safety pins, studs, big boots, piercings, tattoos, the whole nine yards (which is a funny movie, BTW). Yeah. But I got drunk and that at least lead me to believe I was enjoying myself. Abbey came and picked me up and we went to the Lights Out boys' house to hang out for a bit.

Then there was the Pretty Boy Floyd show-which I talked about in my Nov blog.

On the 23rd (Nov), I went to Smith's (I used to "live" there but I barely even step foot in the place anymore cos it's a yuppy bar with rude employees and not-so-great food now). We caught most of Bain Mattox's performance (they're really good. In fact, Angi and Abbey have gone to Birmingham as we speak to see them), and then Union Drag played. It was my first time seeing them. They're really good! There are members of The Yard (a very popular local group), and Mark Danells (of L.A. groupd B.A.L.L., formerly of local fame Blacklight Poster Boys, a stand-in for The Bibles, and guitarist to ATL-Jesus Butch Walker), and Rob Hammersmith-who was in The Bibles.

Nov 27th was Thanksgiving. It was also my mom's 47th birthday. And Abbey and I went to Lights Out that night-at Smith's. I took pixx-on their request. I guess they needed them for something bad-ish. I was happy with the ones I took. I'm not the best photographer, but I like to do it.

Ok, so Nov 28 was supposed to be a sad and sentimental night. I was supposed to go see doubleDrive do their last show ever. I had planned on going to the show for months, and found out it was their last like 3 days before showtime. That made me sad cos they're so good. They're so nice. And I love their stuff. I did go to the show. I was there. I had said hi to everyone I knew. Kim and I were hanging out having a nice time. Then, Angi calls to tell me Hal Sparks is at the Roxy (walking distance from my house). The plan was to leave during Uncrowned, try to meet him, then rush back for doubleDrive. It took us like 30 minutes of standing outside before I finally said: fuck it, I'll pay for us to go in cos I LOVE Hal Sparks. He's so hot. He's such a nice guy. And he's hilarious! (halarious!) So, I did (door guy gave us a total discount cos the show was ending--oh, The Hal Sparks Project opened for Drivin N Cryin-who I care nothing about), we went in and after about 20 minutes, we found Hal. But it took me another 20 minutes before I could go up to him and all. Angi, Kim, and Ren were making fun of me for being so smitten. And Hal was joking around about me stalking him (I brought it up-I told him I knew it sounded like stalking-he joked that it looked like it, too-and the we posed for 2 mocking of Lynda photo's, and then one cute one). When we finally left, it was way too late for dD. Yes. I am an ass-an evil cunt. And I am sorry I missed the show. I regret that part, but I don't regret going thru what I did to meet Hal. Maybe I can get those pixx scanned in and on here, soon. Yum!

12.07.03 - 

Today was my day off, and I spent it as a lazy day-meaning I didn't use it as my normal cleaning day. I slept until 2 PMish, then got up, messed around on the 'puter, then went to get window kits to help insulate the house some (biggest shrink-wrap job I've ever done! it was fun, tho!) Then, I went to K-Mart cos it's going out of business. Then I went to 9 Lives to hang out. That was nice. I haven't been there in a while. And I hadn't seen Mike in a while. I had seen Jimmy for the first time in a long time at the Bitch show on Saturday night at The Echolounge. I missed everyone! Anyway, so I ate and hung out at 9 Lives and we all watched The Christmas Story, which is classic. Good times!

So, Crystal sent me a few pixx from our weekend with Pretty Boy Floyd.

I'm off today, so I'm definitely gonna clean our condo. It's a pigsty. 

Last night was Placebo at the Roxy up the street. I was so excited. I've been waiting for months for that show and they did not let me down! It was really weird tho cos I'm so out of the loop. I really miss having my world revolve around them. I miss my world revolving around any one band, actually. I used to save EVERYTHING-and they were in tons of magasines that I was actually able to find. I used to go into the chat room on their official site, which I was visiting and talking to the girl who owns it long before it became official. I bought every single. I bought merch at their shows (I've been to 4 now). I was in the Silver Rocket fan club. I went online and started collecting photo's. I made the occasional purchase from eBay (strangely, even with all that I have on them I don't think but 1 thing-their rare first 7" split with Soup-came from eBay). I went online and tracked down rarities. Yadda yadda. Then, Black Market Music came out and I just could not get into that CD. It has some great songs, but I just overall didn't like it. I don't even think I own a copy, tho I've bought it 2x to give it a chance and sold it both times. Then I moved to Atlanta and things have been so different here. I haven't really collected like I used to on anyone. I was worried when Sleeping With Ghosts came out, but I didn't need to be. It's a GREAT CD, tho Without You I'm Nothing is by far their best, and one of the best CDs ever! So, anyway, the show last night was great. We were up close. I could have been closer, but I snuck our bigass camera in, so I needed to be a little far away. (Click the link on the left to get to the pixx). It actually made me sad seeing all the little new Placebo fans and all the old ones who are all still hardcore. And then there were the beautiful young gay boys who are all about Brian-or maybe they were about Stef. There's so much beauty and intensity surrounding Placebo-always has been. That was one thing that drew them to them and their fans. Rock 'n' Roll's just  dirty all around. Not as dirty as punk-and punk's ugly. At least rock still has beautiful creatures in it. I'm not complaining, I just had light shed on the matter last night. After the show, I wanted to try and meet the guys, but there were so many people by the buses, I didn't even bother. Besides, it was damn cold, so we came home.

And I had a dream...about Marc Bolan...my first ever in 11 years of being a fan.

I don't remember a lot of it. What I do remember didn't actually have to do with Marc. But one segment of the dream, it became apparent that I was in England back in the late 60s, and I knew I was from the future, but it wasn't a big deal. The fans I met who became my friends acted more like I was just visiting from America and they were happy to be showing me around and hanging out. So, we're at some restaurant/hotel thing and there's music memorabilia all over the walls-including an autographed photo of Marc, which I go crazy over and just want to stand in front of and I'm almost in tears. I trace the autograph. Then I note to Abbey-who's only in the dream at this place-that I wonder how the owner got it. Then I look over to the right and Marc's there dancing with friends. Then I'm like: oh, of course he has an autographed picture. He knows Marc and this is back when Marc's still alive. Then, we're (me & the fans) walking down this street, and I point to a house on the left and say: That's Marc's. Then, I'm inside, and Marc's in jeans and a small shirt and he has shorter hair like he did in the 60s, and he's dancing (well, he was Born to Boogie). So we all laugh and start dancing, but then he has to go because he's dead now and I have to go back to where I came from. Then I woke up. I was so happy that I dreamt about Marc.

November 25, 2000, I wrote a poem about Marc and the reflections on being born too late and of the wrong nationality (I only say the nationality part cos I would have wanted to have been in England during T. Rextasy). On December 8, 2000, I finished it. I don't know how I feel about sharing my poetry cos it all suxx, but I wanna share this one. Mostly it will be Bolanites who get it cos there are a lot of references to him and songs and all:

For Marc

Elfin bopper, Wizard Man
The Mystic gazes down
a crown of jewels confines his trademark corkscrew locks
his guitar has no weight
but forms an understood barrier
between the reptile king (reborn & bopping)
and all who are less
(and all are less)
I never learned the Beltane Walk
And I never learned the geography of the land of Rarn
But I know what I know
And I know what I feel
And I know that I feel the little bit of you kept in my heart
(same time, same channel)
A journey on a swan of snowy white beckons me forth
unto the land of chant and fantasy
Sing us a song-
the world needs to sing along
and dance by the light of a magical moon

A crazy girl-vivid visions locked away inside my plateau skull-
bounds forward to the past
for a glimpse of a galactic future
Stars on my brow
the universe in my hair
a dream = a blink in the gaze of life

My diamond star halo has slipped down over one eye
prohibiting true sight past a luminescent ring of lies
The Children of the Revolutions brush past me
while I struggle to figure where I am

And all the while, the 'letric saviour
gazes down
his eyes portray that he seemingly knows my potential
even tho I do not

To me, this poem pulls at the dilemma of knowing that I'm born too late....When I look at my Bolan wall (touched on in the very first lines and at the end), I see a man for whom I have so much love, respect, envy, and admiration for (& actually share a few personality traits with), I swear I can see a glimmer of hope in his eyes that is aimed just at me, as if to say "yeah, you will do just fine" in more ways than one.